live since 89.

So.. A little while ago, my computer wouldnt work. The screen is already cracked.. and I asked God o help me. I began to say ‘in the Name of Jesus’ computer work… and I fought against the doubt that tried to creep up. I started to be like, ok.. IDK If this’ll work.. Maybe it isnt my time. Byt in th eback of my head, im like.. uh-uh.. I know He is able. I restarted the computer and prayed.. Then, the computer showed the boot screen. I said ok.. Lord, if this works.. Im losin my mind. Sure enough, it worked and I did.. The whole time im like… Nobody knows this but me and Jesus. Nobody knows how I feel right now but Jesus.. LORD! I THANK YOU!!

Of course, I know this. But, for the past few days.. I;ve been getting attacked about the validity of my Creator. His Son. Bible. ALL OF IT. And I’ve been noticing also, that God is showing me His presence… In church especially, because some of my innermost thoughts would come out in a sermon. In Teachers Meeting this tuesday the pastor revealed a lot of things.. And He also went on to talk about the realness of Jesus Christ. Saying that my proof that GOD is real is the Holy Ghost, and then asking us (congregation) a question. “What has happened to you since recieving the Holy Ghost that lets you know that God exists?” It went across the room.. I answered it thus: I’ve woken up at random hours of the night and bein told to go to the Word & finding answers to my problems.. So, I went back home.. Of course being assured that God is real, but nt really worried about it.. Im still fighting in my mind at this point.

Then today, I was thinking about how God has been moving.. Sunday, the pastor talked about it.. Tuesday.. and then today, I was like wow.. God is just showing me right now! He’s here! As soooon as I thought of that, my mom played a song on Youtube, Jesus Is Real. I just smiled and said AMEN. Hallelujah!

So.. I’m out in Baton Rouge again. My fifth day here and I’m thinking about God.. And myself. I was once in this position last summer and it was a rocky beginning to a newer beginning. It was a huge door closing and one opening in my life.

Anyway, I’m just thinkin.. How good God is, and the things that He is showing me.. Guess I’ll find out at the end of this trip, but I can say that I’m thankful I’m here. I’m praying for my aunt, glad I’m in the spot to do so.. Heavily thinking, and need deliverance from some of these thoughts.

I can feel myself growing but I’m hungry.. Starving for some kind of release.. Father God, I need you to show me the way! Abba!

The Lord is so gracious. He is not like man, only choosing to look at the outside and only loving those that do the most.. In the Bible, there is a refernce to those being least and greatest in heaven.. Who are you to decide the rank on earth?

That’s another message entirely. I realize that when you trust God, you have a strong feeling.. Something like a weeble wobble toy; which is able to rock back/forth & side/side without falling. This is due to there being SOMETHING on the INSIDE Of the toy. Many things have happened recently, and now.. I see what I was fighting against. I am so thankful for my Comforter.

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 15:58

Being honest.. I thirst for God. I really would like to spend time with Him and know Him. I try and I fail.. I try… and I fail. I try… and I pass. I try, period. I know that I am a child of God and also a baby on this walk. Lord, just help me grow in YOU. Help me to know and understand more of You, overcoming and all the questions of my heart.

Has anybody ever felt like this? Longing to see heaven? Longing to be righteous? Longing for just His face? Just to touch a string from Jesus’ cloak.. Even a bead of sweat. Ever wanted to just give God a hug? To spend the time with Him that you would with a biological father? I do. I think about playing Jesus in a basketball game, talking and walking around.. just being in AWE of being THERE! WITH HIM! Like.. wow.

I know that I am not perfect, nor will I be. But I praise God for the grace that He has given me, and I thank Him. Not just for the little things.. but even the things that may not matter to most folk. Like sitting in a comfy chair. Sitting on a carpet, just everything. The sky.. the mountains.. His creations. My imperfections. Words fail me to paint a picture of what I see. Hopefully, with what I said.. I just did.

I fall short, but its like this.. I dont like it, but I thank God for it.. I like it, but I hate it. Here is my reasoning behind it; despite trying to be perfect, by me falling is also humbling.. that I will never be perfect. God loves me anyway, He allows praise to come from me ANYWAY! I don’t like to fall, and I try not to, but if I do, I pray. Try harder next time, y’know? I know that God knows my heart. I’m not tryna cheapen going hard.. But, I dont beat myself up as much as I used to. Because I am NOT perfect.

Anyway, this here ramble is brought to you in part by… Malaysia! She would like to thank her Savior Jehovah God and His Son Jesus Christ, for the oppurtunity to write and praise.. She’d also like to give any and all praise for this blog to Him. Thank you! XD

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”- Philippians 2:9-11

Just a little something to remember and think about in fighting, whether against the flesh.. or otherwise.

“And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;  To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

God is nothing short of amazing.. His enduring, all-forgiving love is beyond human measure or comparison. How can I give my Creator His gratitude? What could I.. Little old me do; to tell my Savior–THANK YOU.

Words, actions, life.

See, what trips me out sometimes.. Is just knowing that God knows all and that He TRULY does forgive and is there.. He’s better than a father, He is The Father. I never had my real dad around growing up.. (Unless, you want to call 3 years out of 20 significant) So my father-daughter relationship is like non-existant on that level. I never really felt that love from a father before until I let God step in.. or rather, He let me step in. Describing the love I feel right now is.. AMAZING. It really is all-encompassing. I adore Him.. I feel like, theres a ribbon from God stretching down–wrapping me up in a spiral of love. To let me know what His love truly means. He’s not going to leave me, He knows me and how I feel towards Him. His love is not like man’s.

God has done many things for me this weekend alone. w/ CJS & I.. My brothers and I.. Just everything. Lord, I love You so much.. I am so grateful!

*QUICK EDIT: This came up right after I posted this >> Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” Revelation 4:11*